guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
