If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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