She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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