I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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