the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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