hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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