I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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