New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
