I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
