Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
