you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh god it's open bar.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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