Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
