return my video game
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
