Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
