some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We had to coat check the pizza.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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