saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
