i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
do herpes really smell.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
