Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
