Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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