How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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