Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
