So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
