3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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