apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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