dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
