Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
