One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
