I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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