dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
