wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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