I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
