Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
