so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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