i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
