Will you blow on my dice?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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