so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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