i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
