Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
