Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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