So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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