so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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