Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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