franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
