When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
