I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize