I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
God, I missed his penis.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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