Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
