; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
