No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
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Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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