I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
