Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
