i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
