ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
