the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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