What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
