enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
