I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
