as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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