her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
