Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
