My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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