Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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