Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
