you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
