Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
