Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
