I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
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Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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