Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
my liver is dry heaving
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
