I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
