Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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