I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
