i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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