I won't be sarcastic... just naked
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
