Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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