you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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